Vegetarians are so annoying!
Simmer down herbivores and wait one sec before you leave that nasty comment, saying what a truly ignorant *ss clown I am, how people who eat a Mediterranean diet live longer, how cattle farming is destroying the environment, etc. I'm actually speaking from personal experience as I am currently a quasi-vegetarian (aka, if I end up in a restaurant without any options, I will order salmon or nibble on calamari. And no, I definitely don't classify that as being pescatarian.). What I'm really talking about here is that 'tude some vegetarians (myself included) have been known to cop when you take them out to a cafe, small plates establishment or other eatery. With that in mnd then, here are ten ways your vegetarian friend (Yes, I have been that friend more than once, but I'm turning over a new leaf.) gets on your last nerve when you're hanging together at a restaurant or bar:
- Meets you for drinks, peruses the menu for a long time (way too long!), with an expression that's verging on constipated, then quizzes the wait person, before finally asking if they carry any organic wines. (I even cringe at myself for asking that, with a straight face, in bars. It just sounds so damn...pretentious.)
- After you order your burger or chicken sandwich, 'they' proceed to tell you, in detail, all about the factory farming documentary that made them turn vegetarian. (For me, that doc was Food Inc, but I've since stopped pontificating about it. #pinkyswear)
- Insists on eating at the same 2-3 veggie friendly restaurants in RI. No frigging flexibility whatsoever. (For the record, these days, I motor all over RI and try NEW restaurants on the reg.)
- When you do get them to deviate from their regular haunts, it's painful. There's a lot of sighing, pursing of lips, and negotiating with the wait person about things like the restaurant's willingness to make a salad without bacon bits. (Been there, done it. All in the past. Much less bratty about menus nowadays.)
- Refers to themselves as a part-time or aspiring vegan. (Ditto. I may have been trying to impress someone who was a legit vegan when I said this though.)
- You take them to a pizza parlor that has at least 3 dozen pie options, but you only get to pick from three of them: the cheese, the margarita or (Surprise!) the veggie. Because pepperoni and sausage are no-no's. (I still do this to people ALL THE TIME. Sorry/Not Sorry)
- Talks frequently about how badly they feel about wearing leather shoes/boots/gloves, yet continues to buy and wear. (Guilty as charged. Especially because I've found that vegan footwear tends to make your feet stink big time.)
- Looks down their nose at your hot dog/chilli dog/hot weiner obsession. (No comment. I used to know someone who once chowed down on hot dogs while seeing, and hearing, the Dalai Lama though. Well, hellooooo Dalai!)
- Keeps re-posting articles on their FB or Twitter from sites like Food Inc., The Elephant Journal, and Well + Good about the evils of eating processed foods, too much red meat, and so on. (That's what the #unfollow option on FB is for people! It's the new, kinder way to say "See Ya!")
- Buys their clothes - some of them anyway - in the apparel aisle at Whole Foods. (Every time I see casual slip on canvas shoes, like Tom's, I have flashbacks of the disheveled 20-something who took over one of my old retail gigs. Whatevs.)
Before I Go
Thought I'd share a few of my favorite veggie friendly or flat out vegetarian cafes and restaurants (and orders) from around the OS:
the Peace Train sandwich or the avocado toast at Shayna's Place; smoothies, juices, or cereal with almond milk at Benefit Juice Bar; anything from the vegetarian or vegan menu at Rasoi; the Roasted Butternut Squash Quesadilla, the burrito, Reggie's Raw Heaven or Thai tomato soup at Garden Grille; the granola or everything scone, the sweet potato and coconut pudding, and the hot apple cider (in season) at Wildflour; the American Beauty at Pizza J.
Ciao for Now,
Photo Credits: Photo courtesy of Getty Images.