The Holiday Guide To Frenemies, Couch Hoppers, And Lovers

Life can get pretty crazy, confusing, and complicated, especially this time of year.

There's all the shopping for groceries and gifts, baking (or guilt because you're NOT baking when you feel like you should be) and picture taking - family pix, Christmas tree pix, etc. You know the drill: It's all in your FB and Instagram news feeds about now anyway, right?

And that's just for starters. 

I haven't even gotten to the part about friends and frenemies or couch hoppers and lovers.


It also seems like the holidays are prime time for either breakups with friends (or couch hoppers and lovers) and divorces or at the other end of the spectrum, proposals and marriages.  

With all that in mind, here's my guide to deciphering the maze of who to keep in your life and who to kick to the curb. Read on to find out more about  those frenemies and couch hoppers (aka, faux lovers) who have taken up space in all of our lives:

1. A frenemy is someone who, on the surface, is your bff. They text you every day and meet you for lunch or out for a drink all the time. They might even take you out for your bday or buy you a Christmas git. But there's another side - a really important one. Pay attention. Remember that time, back in high school, when they went out of their way to make out with that guy you had a crush on. The one guy you confided to them that you had a huge crush on in fact. That's a sure sign that someone is a frenemy. Or they left you at The Met and disappeared with a member (or members plural) of a 90's band whose name you now can't even faintly recall. (This was before you had a cell phone and there was Uber btw. So you were really and truly stranded at The Met. Or maybe it was Lupo's? Idk.) Crazy, right? 

This is someone you need to cut out of your life immediately, unless you thrive on DRAMA. Then, by all means, keep them around.

Just don't trust them with your bf or husband.

I used to work with two girls who had been good friends since high school. Or so I thought. Later on, when I asked Girl #1 about the whereabouts of Girl #2, she told me they were no longer friends because there had been an ugly undercurrent of competition between them and that as a result, Girl #2 had (behind her back of course) slept with almost all of Girl #1's boyfriends. Now, if that's not a frenemy, then I don't know who the heck is.

2. This where it gets complicated. A couch hopper is someone you may put under the friend or lover umbrella, but be careful - You probably won't realize it until the tail end of the relationship, but this person only stays with you because they need somewhere to stay.

I've seen it again and again with friends and FB friends and it actually happened to me years back (when I was in college). I met a guy everyone thought was so artsy, charming and handsome. Flash forward to 6 months later and he's staying at my house 24/7, brewing coffee, taking showers and doing his laundry. As though he didn't have a care in the world. He was all moved in and comfortable. But it wasn't because he was madly in love with me. Nope. Maybe he was initially, but his sticking around for as long as he did was more about his being in desperate need of an apartment or house. (I know for certain he wasn't in love with me because I ended up catching him cheating with several girls and this was before social media and Facebook blew up - Imagine what he could have done with that technology at his disposal. Ha!) 

So, before you fall head over heelz for anyone (or remain in that relationship you're forever over analyzing ), ask yourself, does this person LOVE me with all their heart and soul or are they just  desperate for a place to crash? Hmmmmmmm


Ciao for Now, 

Patty J


Photo Credits: Thumbnail and ornament photos courtesy of the PattyJDotCom Instagram. All other photos (couch and 'frenemies') found on Pinterest.