Six Things Your Bartender Wants You To Know

It's Friday and summer's almost over, so that means tonight you'll probably want to go out and enjoy a few end of season cocktails. But before you head out to your fav bar or tavern, I have some words of wisdom from a local bartender at a popular RI spot, who, for obvious reasons, has chosen to remain anonymous. Here are six key points that "they" can't tell (you) but really wish you knew:

  1. If you're trying to lose a few pounds, stick with vodka on the rocks with a generous side of lemon wedges. And the club soda you keep ordering because you think it's so healthy? It's loaded with sodium (and sometimes sugar). Sodium = Bloat City
  2. Forget that Long Island Iced Tea. It's an 'amateur drink'. If you're looking to get 'cray', order a martini instead. It has more alcohol than any mixed drink. So it's (usually) one and done. Depending of course on your (alcohol) tolerance level...Also, if you're worried about spillage from a martini glass, ask for yours in a snifter. 
  3. Your bartender doesn't set the prices. So please don't haggle with us because you don't want to pay $12 for a glass of wine. We're there to pour, smile, and collect on the bill, not negotiate.
  4. We are not trying to "cheap shot" (aka, under pour) you. Why would we? It's in our best interest to keep your glass full...because after all, everyone knows that happy customers are better tippers.
  5. Waving your hands wildly, and generally acting like an *ss, to get our attention is not to your benefit. We see you. We're busy with another customer and will get to you ASAP.
  6. To avoid a hangover...Sorry, if you're over 25, it doesn't matter how much water you drink, you're going to have a hangover tomorrow morning. 


As told to

Patty J


Celebrities who tended bar before they hit it big: Rhonda Rousey, Chris Pratt, Bruce Willis, and Kris Kristofferson


Photo Credits: All pictures are courtesy of the PattyJDotCom Instagram account and are not related to the identity of the bartender in this blog in any way.