RI Confidential: The Time I Bought Myself A New Nose

Nora Ephron may have felt badly about her neck (Great book btw!), but me? I felt badly about my nose.

Yeah, I hated it. 

Hear me out: My features are small. My eyes. My lips. Small. Yup. Tiny. I look a lot more like my father, than my mother or her family. (I was reminded of this again recently when a dermatologist asked me why I hadn't gotten any of the mediterrean blood that my sister had. What. Ever.) Then, there was my nose. It didn't fit my face. Too damn big. If I had voluptuous lips (like one of my personal style icons, Sofia Coppola), maybe that nose would have worked for me. But I don't and it didn't.

My Old Nose


I obsessed over all of this for decades. But I didn't do anything about it, not until about a year, year and a half ago. When my whole life pretty much changed dramatically.

During the summer of 2013, I got sick suddenly and had to have an operation. Afterwards, my doctor insisted that I take at least 4 weeks out of work (at my old retail gig) in order to recuperate properly. Uncharacteristic of my neurotic workaholic ways and persona at that time, I agreed. Truth be told, I was too weak to even stand for more than 10-15 minutes at that point (let alone hours), so I really had no choice. 

It was during that time that one of my brothers staged an intervention of sorts. (You should know that the Jeffrey's - if and when they decided to confront you about something - are intense.) Long story short, my bro wanted me to quit my job and do something else. Pronto. My family was disgusted not only with my work schedule (Again, it was retail. Do the math: 6, sometimes 7, day work weeks with 10-12 hour days thrown in as well as so many other migraine headaches that went along with that world.), but also with the countless times I'd had to decline invitations to family parties and vacations (And that was just for starters.). I'd missed out on a lot. That was true. I knew it, but was terrified of leaving my job. I'd been with that company more than a decade and looking back, I guess I felt my entire identity was tied to working there. So I didn't quit then. I should have, but I didn't. What I did do was pay off and cut up my store credit card (I could have bought real estate with the money I'd spent. And I'm not the only one guilty of that. Believe me. Oh. Well.) and start funneling a huge portion of my salary into an employee stock purchase plan. 

When I finally did walk out, about 4 months later, I did so abruptly, but with lots of company stock. #ChaChing After a few weeks of relaxing and retail detoxing (first, in Florida and then, at the Ritz in Aruba), I decided I would cash in that stock (Chill out! I also walked with a nice chunk of change in my 401K.) and buy myself a new nose. It was time. You see, when I'd had the time (back in my teens and early twenties), I didn't have the money. And, later, when I had the money, I didn't have the time. Now, I had both. Finally.

Me Hiding Out. With Diane Keaton's  book .

Me Hiding Out. With Diane Keaton's book.

Sure it (the procedure and recovery) meant a lot of pain, swelling, sleeping sitting up, not being able to blow my nose, looking hideous and 3-4 weeks hiding out in my house (I did put a hat on toward the end of everything and sneak over to B.Good in Garden City for Kale smoothies with Nicole once or twice.), but I have absolutely no regrets. #BestThingIEverDid 

Love. It. 

My New Nose